a patch of pink on a rainy day.

what a wonderful day. christmas is a wonderful time to give. it is a wonderful time to receive. it is a wonderful time to love. it is a wonderful time to be loved.

it is a fantastic day to enjoy all of the peculiar and joyous things that make people tick. that makes a person their own unique person. it is a fantastic day to play games, to drink tea (lots of tea), and to finish a good book.

it is a magnificent day to be in tears over the love that one knows his family gives him.

its an even better day to mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally prepare to see underoath with 5 of one's dearest friends. screaming can be such an art.

I am truly blessed. I realize that many, millions, even, do not enjoy the incredible amount of comfort and love that I receive on all days, in particular the magical day of christmas. why that is I do not claim to know. I do not claim to know why I have been deemed special enough to live the life I live. all I can do is enjoy it and try to make others' lives more enjoyable in the process.

also, little red riding hood can be such a badass.

late night musings. hook.

I usually get a huge feeling of anxiety and loneliness when I come home for a break or summer or whatever. I haven't felt that as much this winter break. I'm not sure why, but its nice.

my mind's ramblings...

I'm not sure how I feel about true grit. I just saw it, and I think I was expecting too much (or perhaps it was that I was expecting something different). the dialogue was great, the characters likable. I'm going to sleep on it.

clouds continue to be one of my favorite things in the world to look at/imagine I'm flying through. they are ever-changing and ever-beautiful, and surprise me every time I look up at the sky.

I love hearing people talk in icelandic. and when I say "people talk in icelandic", I really mean "jónsi sing in icelandic". I think its a beautiful language.

swahili is also (objectively) a beautiful language.

I think it is more practical and noble for one to believe in love than any specific religion.

hell is the most vile, abusive, and abhorrent idea ever conceived by man.

mixes are fun.

the rain is a wonderful thing, but its a double-edged sword.

everyone should start using the term, 'bitchcoat'.

the bbc office is brilliant, and leaves me with a bittersweet feeling upon reaching its end. david brent is supremely likable and unlikable. its like finishing the end of a book. I sometimes am so afraid of that bittersweet feeling after reading a good book I simply won't finish it. I've read the lord of the rings series like 4 times, but I've never finished the 3rd book. I can't bring myself to it.


that is most everything that is on my mind at the moment. I'm going to do this more often.

also, I got a B+ in walk/jog. a B+! after I was consistently first in every running exercise we did. I left those 20 freshmen girls in the dust, crying and wishing they weren't forced to eat only at the caf/den so they could get better nutrition and therefore run faster in walk/jog every monday and wednesday at 8:20. but that apparently wasn't enough for ms. duskin. my superior nutrition of peanut butter and honey toast and consistently superior performance just couldn't pull off an A. it happens, I guess.

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

Today was the most disappointing, embarrassing, and emotional day I've had in a long time. A very long time.

I can't remember the last time I had to avoid people walking home because I didn't want them to see the tears in my eyes.
Or the last time I didn't eat lunch because I felt so defeated. I love eating.
Never before have I got up and walked out of a classroom because I couldn't handle being in the room where I received my dismissal from an academic program, in test form.
I went home, got in the shower, stood there, and just cried. I cried, and cried, and cried. The entire time I could only think of tobias sitting in the shower, in his cut offs, weeping.

How pathetic.

This is certainly the first time I've ever called my mom in an act of desperation because I had so much emotion in me and I just needed to tell someone. If you would have asked me yesterday, I would have NEVER thought that in a million years I would be one of those kids. The kind that call their parents when life sucks. But here I am.

I made this huge and exciting major change this summer to switch from music to biology so I could be a zoologist. So I could study animals. And make money. Perfect, right? Only problem with that is I have to take all these shit biology and chemistry and calculus and physics classes in order to do that. Whatever, I thought, I'll just power through them so I can eventually become an animal researcher for National Geographic (or whatever).

Well, today is the day that I have to withdraw from my General Biology I class, because I simply couldn't do it. I've never failed a class before. Let alone the easiest biology class offered. Let alone the easiest class offered for my major. I hyped myself, my family, and my friends up so much on the idea of me being a zoologist and was gung-ho for the biology major until today. And all I can say to myself, my family, and my friends is,

"I failed. I couldn't do it."

How. Embarrassing.

Thus is today, November 2, 2010. The biggest let down I think I've ever felt. I'm not sure why this failure is so personal and emotional to me. But for whatever reason it feels like an attack on my very essence, an attack on the personhood of William Burford Cook IV.

Music; I left because I wanted to. I conquered music, told it I was over it, and threw it away. Biology conquered me, told me we were through, and turned and left me with no option but to call my mom in tears (which, as it turns out, was the right thing to do, and I'm thankful I did it). Wondering where I am, who I am, and what's to become.

I received some good advice to take each day as it comes, and I'm going to try and do that. I also received some wonderful support and encouragement from friends, which is noted. A special thanks to natalie and marissa, it meant a lot.

All this to say,

Whatever. Time to move on. Life won't go on hiatus while it waits for me to get my shit together. God is good (I'll keep thinking that, at least).

...perhaps literature?

Jonsi.

Remember that one time I saw Jonsi? Me too.

Sleigh Bells

Whats up new blog post! If nick were here right now, I'd knucks him.

I'm the kind of person that has to read everything. Everything, mind you. The labels on shampoo bottles, the descriptions for frosted flakes and lucky charms, the little snippets on the side in magazine articles, etc. Its a slightly ridiculous habit (almost typed 'hobbit'. weird.) of mine. I simply can't not read the description on the signs at the zoo.

I've read the story of how Clif Bars came to be 14 times.

I know exactly how to apply shampoo to one's hair, lather, and rinse.

I've read the basics in the manual of Yoshi's Story for the N64 more times than Yoshi himself.

I buy cd's expecting there to be some little tidbits written on the inside manual, and if there isn't anything (or worse, only lyrics), I'm extraordinarily disappointed.

You get the picture.

I've also come to realize that this nasty little habit (wow, almost wrote hobbit again) of mine cripples the way I think/approach literature. I find I read the first few chapters of most books, and then dismiss them. The very idea of reading a long novel is incredibly intriguing and inviting to me. I love the fact that you get transported into an entirely different world through an entirely different view point, and all the ups and downs that entails. However, I also find that I forego any such adventuring because in my mind its this huge swamp that I have to wade through.

if what I read doesn't satisfy me instantly (or end almost instantly), I'm usually done. So, I'm working on changing that.

Music, movies, and literature also have an enormous impact on the way I think and view life. I watch (or read, like I'm currently doing) Fight Club and I want to give up all my useless crap, eat little to no meals a day, drink loads of water, and do tons of push ups, pull ups, and sit ups until I look and act like Tyler Durden.

I watch any Wes Anderson film and I immediately want to go throughout my life with this cool, collected, slightly arrogant (but thoughtful) attitude surrounded by corduroy jackets, hip aviators, and Bill Murray's dominating some kids in a basketball game.

I read the lyrics to a Sigur Rós song (the translation) and I instantly wish I lived in Iceland, away from the miseries of the bay (say wha?!).

I listen to an Aesop Rock song and I want to go around speaking in riddles and of anomalies.

I listen to Radiohead and I yearn to be some hopeless brit walking around Oxford wearing tight sweaters with stars and moons all over them.

These things dominate my mind, all the time. Is it a good thing? I'm not sure.

Next point. I grew up in an ultra conservative environment, one toting conservative christianity, capitalism is better than 'evil socialist principles', and sarah palin. I'm far on the other end of the spectrum. I find no fault with gay marriage, I think evolution and the bible match up perfectly, I'd rather have Obama over McCain/Palin any day, and I don't believe that Noah, Adam, and Eve ever actually existed (or, at least, as how the bible portrays them).

I find some sort of pride and self-worth in being what I think others see me as a heretical leftist heathen. I'm not either of those things, but I'm generally ok with most of the people I know thinking and labeling me that. I'll happily correct them, but usually they won't happily listen. Even now, I'm writing this with a slightly arrogant attitude (as I'm sure you can tell). I watched The Royal Tenenbaums twice in the past week. Coincidence? I think not.

Well, thats just some of my thoughts as of late. Its summer, I've been fairly bored recently, and so this are the things I tend to think about. Sorry for the incredibly long post, but I've had to make up for the months of absence.

sorry, no pictures or videos or anything in this post. next time.

There is a collective Quail family walking around outside my house. The baby quail are literally the size of quarters. There is a morning dove that is making her nest outside my front door, and continues to make a new one every few months (unless there really are just tens of morning doves that pick the same spot for a nest, I have no idea). It is a very windy day today, and I see a hawk gliding in the wind. Just kickin' it, tribe called quest style. Just outside my window I see a hummingbird very viciously protect its nectar giver thing. When another hummingbird comes along it gets so pissed off its not even funny. A woodpecker enjoys the sewit hanging from the tree. Hundreds of other birds make beautiful noises that are carried by the wind for what seems forever.

Birds. There are many. They have hollow bones. Eagles are good to hobbits and wizards. They get eaten by cats. I see this very often and have even assisted a cat in eating one. They look great on guitars. They always sing in tune with each other. They throw goats off cliffs. Birds.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XafAdkZIYKA <--- watch that video

Tie Strings To Clouds

Jónsi just released a new album. Go. Its fabulous.

Sigur Rós as a band is on a touring hiatus. I had the glorious pleasure of seeing them just before this hiatus occurred. I saw them in Berkeley. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. Shame it won't happen again.

But, what is that you say? Jónsi is doing a North American tour to promote his new album? And he is playing in Berkeley?? On April 15th, my birthday?!?

But oh, I'll be in school... and concert tickets are $50... and I would need to buy plane tickets to fly up to the bay from azusa...

I need the icelandic gods to align the stars just right so that I can go witness this magnificent event.

Ég Gerði Skip Tilbúið Og Fór Með Litla Bæn Því Ég Var Hræddur. -Jónsi Þór Birgisson

What is in my future? I have no idea, I don't even want to think about it. Thinking about it will do me no good... what's the use of that? And yet, I find myself thinking about it way too often. Trying to live in the present as best I can...

Title: I Prepared A Ship And Said A Little Prayer, For I Was Scared.